memento vivere

What ever am I doing with all of these beautiful boys: That is the question.

Tue, 21 May 2013 11:38:46 -0700

What ever am I doing with all of these beautiful boys:

That is the question.

So we gon’ dance until we drop !

Mon, 20 May 2013 17:48:09 -0700

So we gon’ dance until we drop !

loveofcoffee: I sometimes realize people would be so much happier without me.

Mon, 20 May 2013 04:14:54 -0700

loveofcoffee:

I sometimes realize people would be so much happier without me.

Updates: 1. I have been home for less than 2 hours total in the past 3 days. If that. But now...

Mon, 20 May 2013 03:56:00 -0700

Updates:

1. I have been home for less than 2 hours total in the past 3 days. If that. But now it’s the weekday and parties shall be more difficult to stumble upon.

2. All I wanted to do for several hours of today was drink and kiss. Simply kissing or simply drinking is, simply, not enough, like cake without crust, lemonade without strawberries, or ice cream without whipped cream. Why go without one or the other?

3. I saw the Great Gatsby movie today and I am Gatsby and I shall fail. “I wish I had done everything on Earth with you.” But I haven’t. And maybe, I never will.

4. I went to San Francisco yesterday and I was a fucking coward. One bridge. One railing. One valiant denial of acrophobia. One test of my resolve. And I couldn’t do it.

5. My friends are treating me very kindly of late. I have talked to several of them, for both long and short periods of time. Today, one let me shower at his place, provided me with lunch, dinner, and two movies. Another has been taking me out on drives for hours and hours and hours. So, to everyone: thank you thank you thank you thank you. You are too kind.

6. I am so exhausted right now I might actually pass out.

7. I just keep fucking up. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Being hollow I can’t feel can’t deal. I dontdon’t know how to deal. I can’t...

Fri, 17 May 2013 10:50:00 -0700

Being hollow
I can’t feel can’t deal. I dont
don’t know how to deal. I can’t remember the days.
They blur. Fucking tired. All the time, sleeping everywhere, but can’t close my eyes. Everything’s so hard. It’s all empty. This isn’t a poem I just
can’t structure my words can’t talk with proper rhythm and speed
because I have to THINK and then
i remember
and
I’m drowning.

Photo

Fri, 17 May 2013 03:28:00 -0700

Photo

Thu, 16 May 2013 18:58:41 -0700

Photo

Thu, 16 May 2013 18:41:03 -0700

Photo

Thu, 16 May 2013 10:31:22 -0700

Photo

Thu, 16 May 2013 09:41:00 -0700

I wake up and I feel empty. Why am I awake

Thu, 16 May 2013 09:21:00 -0700

I wake up and I feel empty.

Why am I awake

Just shy of fourteen months and two days. What was that? Absolutely nothing. A mere blink of an...

Thu, 16 May 2013 02:28:00 -0700

Just shy of fourteen months and two days.

What was that? Absolutely nothing. A mere blink of an eye.

And now, you are gone. Or are you? Maybe I’m trying to look too hard. Maybe this was truly goodbye.

How could I have expected an eternity? How could I have been so foolish?

i am numb now. I do not know what to do, or how I should feel, except I would simply like to sleep forever. Why is such a simple wish so hard to accomplish?

Photo

Wed, 15 May 2013 10:55:51 -0700

Please Please Please Forgive me. I’m sorry I was not perfect. I’m sorry I was insecure....

Wed, 15 May 2013 09:18:00 -0700

Please

Forgive me. I’m sorry I was not perfect. I’m sorry I was insecure. I knew better. I should have acted accordingly.

I shouldn’t have pushed you to make a choice to care when you didn’t. I know you’re unhappy now, or at least devoid of happiness. I’m sorry I added to that.

But please. I just want things to go back to how they were. Natural. Natural for us to be together, natural for you to want to be with me. Please. This is all I want.

I always knew I was very lucky in this past year. I knew I was very lucky to have you. Just let me be lucky one more time.

Please.

I fucked up. Why. Why. Why. I’m trying so hard. I knew better. Why couldn’t I have just...

Wed, 15 May 2013 02:56:57 -0700

I fucked up. Why. Why. Why.

I’m trying so hard. I knew better. Why couldn’t I have just not asked that one questions. Why.

koulin: pewpuupalace: zeonhime: the worst feeling about trying to draw is being a mediocre...

Tue, 14 May 2013 23:28:58 -0700

koulin:

pewpuupalace:

zeonhime:

the worst feeling about trying to draw is being a mediocre artist. You realize you’re not terrible and family and friends who can’t draw at all tell you all the time how amazing you are, but you, as the artist, have seen what amazing really is and you realize that it isn’t you.

500% me

oh my fuck god

this post

just

this post.

HAHAHA

fuck

life

suicide hotline

Tue, 14 May 2013 19:33:20 -0700

writingsforwinter:

It’s so hot that when our skin sticks together, even our sweat

starts sweating. When I lived in New York and you lived

in Georgia, you mailed me love notes in the form of used condoms,

but only ones that had been used when you were with me.

When I ask you if I can put kept living on my job application

because it’s a daily career, you offer to be my reference.

Sometimes I’m rendered speechless by breathing.

If exhaling were the only thing I had to do

for the rest of my life, I think I would quit.

You tell me tonight in bed that if suicidal tendencies

were sexy, my hotness

would be off the charts. But see, love isn’t

talking someone down from the ledge;

it’s being willing to climb up there with them.

Photo

Tue, 14 May 2013 19:21:01 -0700

This is really hard. Maybe I should just let go.

Tue, 14 May 2013 10:05:03 -0700

This is really hard. Maybe I should just let go.

Just lost my appetite. Lame. Pathetic. Just FUCK. FUCK

Mon, 13 May 2013 12:41:00 -0700

Just lost my appetite. Lame. Pathetic.

Just

FUCK.

FUCK