goodpoetry:

A dead starfish on a beach
He has five branches
Representing the five senses
Representing the jokes we did not tell each other
Call the earth flat
Call other people human 
But let this creature lie
Flat upon our senses
Like a love
Prefigured in the sea
That died.
And went to water
All the oceans
Of emotion. All the oceans of emotion
are full of such fish
Why 
Is this dead one of such importance? 

Jack Spicer

Today, one of my closest friends made a passing remark of “Yeah, you’ve gotten soft.”

And it…kinda bugs me. Not because I’m insulted by the the audacity of him to say something false, but because it’s true, and I know it.

Within the past year, the number of times I’ve teared up for someone else’s misery, someone else’s suffering, especially in videos, has increased exponentially. Not even kidding.

Within the past half year or so I have teared up from:

• watching a US history biography of the Wright brothers. Yes, the airplane ones.
• in English, watching a biography of F. Scott Fitzgerald when something happened to his beloved wife, Zelda.
• from watching a clip of a movie where US soldiers discover the Holocaust.
• when my English teacher was breaking down while explaining why she was in that state: her dog died. 
• watching Kurt from Glee confess to his dad about being gay, and his acceptance of his son
• watching Quinn beg her parents to accept her and her pregnancy
• watching Mal’s suicide scene in Inception
• etc etc

BAH.

I hate how I can empathize so much better. @______@ It’s a waste of my time.

When I think of the years I spent wanting to have no emotions and the me of now, it’s like damn…. =.= total opposite.

But emotions are so messy and funny and interesting. Like…I want to know emotions at the same time, as long as I’m not affected by them, but it doesn’t work like that.

I remember how before I could…sympathize with people. Because I’m nice like that and I like helping people, being nice. But I never really understood…the intensity of emotions, I suppose, and I kinda wanted to because people are so driven by them.

But I hate being emotional. It’s so stupid and pointless. There’s no fucking logic when I’m acting solely based on emotions, and I think I would trade my newly found knowledge for my former, much smaller range of emotions.

Bah, I hate being soft.