I was really vaguely kind of upset for a reason I will reveal next week, but this guy—especially this photo—cheered me up lots.
I am sometimes very grateful for the friends I have.
For noticing my unhappiness. For taking the initiative. For talking to me and telling me jokes and watching my stuff and answering my questions without questioning me because you knew I didn’t want to answer.
You’re all lovely, lovely people.
I’ve been putting this off forever and ever, but since I’m going to be procrastinating, I might as well start this. I’ll prolly forget some people…these are mostly the people I’ve talked to recently (which makes sense…). Anyone can just leave a msg in my ask or something and I’ll add an extra segment to this haha.
I think I’ve mentioned this topic before, friendship, somewhere near the
first few pages first half of my blog.
And from what I remember, I think, damn, was I optimistic. Happy. Naive.
Hmm. I’m not sure how to start this either, because, once again I’m not quite sure what I want to say.
I think, the first sentence I thought up in my head was this: I wish I had a best friend.
I want someone who I would go to if I were upset, someone who I could instinctively trust.
It’s not that I don’t have friends, because I do have quite a few friends, and it’s not that no one would listen to me because, once again, I know quite well that some would listen without showing even a sliver of ugh when are you going to be done?
To be honest, I want someone like myself. Because I’ve listened to quite a few people rather extensively about their problems, and I do feel that I try to help them as much as I can, and, obviously, I can trust myself.
Ugh, this post isn’t working or flowing. Sighs.
I guess what I’m saying is, the only person who I’m really close enough to spill all secrets and complain about all of the, oh, inequalities in life and all, has the wrong type of relationship with me to be my best friend.
Although I do tell quite a number of people quite a number of my thoughts, I do wish I had someone to turn to for advice.
Out of my friends, some would sugarcoat everything to my view. Some are, quite frankly, uninterested. Some, I do trust and would probably be there if I asked them to, but I don’t feel that they’re emotionally quite as loyal to me as they are to others. Some, I don’t trust. Plus I don’t like bothering people with my problems.
Frustrating at times, I tell you.
Especially considering how, less than a year ago, I, not yet able to see faults within people, really did believe in the best of people. That I had the best of friends, that we would all remain friends and live happily ever after.
I’m not sure why I’m up this late haha.
Dear Best Friend of Mine
I’m not exactly sure who you are, because I don’t have an actual best friend. I’d like one, to be sure. You know, that perfect friend in all the stories, the one that’s always there, the one who sees everything, keeps all the secrets a secret or reveals them at the perfect time, gives all the advice, and forces life back onto its orbiting axis. The one who’s always there, who’s brave and strong and funny and wonderful and there for a lifetime. Or you know, the perfect one that dies for the protagonist, and it’s a tearjerker, but that’s when you know that the best friend was really truly an awesome friend and really the best.There was a time, where I would have done anything for one, cuz I was so lonely and sad and depressed because I felt so freaking alone. But you know what, whatever.
I probably won’t ever find you, but that’s not that big of a surprise, honestly.
And besides, I have some of the most loveliest friends, a group of really seriously cool people. <3
I really truly enjoy talking to you guys and hanging out and chatting and laughing about dumb things that really probably don’t make that much sense. I hope we’re in lots of the same classes and get to stay together for years and years, friends throughout high school years and summers and college years and breaks and everything. I like how we play games and hangout and go shopping and dissect behaviors and gossip about boys and play badminton and tennis and dance and hang out after school and bemoan the terrible junior fate awaiting us, and I’ll seriously miss it when it ends.
Let’s make sure we never end